Albuquerque
by Me-GREAT
Summary: COMPLETED! This is my first fic! Based on the Weird Al Song. Everyone was bored so the Professor tells them about the time he went to Albuquerque!
1. I'm Bored Actually I'm Not!

Disclamer: I do not own The Song Alburquerque or X-Men Evolution. If anyone reading this owns or co-owns any of these things, Please don't sue!.  
  
Here's the story!(this is my first fic I'm so excited!)  
  
Prof.X: Everyone! I know your all bored so I thought I'd tell you a story!  
  
Evan:We're not babys. we don't wanna here a story.  
  
Prof(I'm just gonna use prof from now on. Why? I'm Lazy): No. I think you'll like this story. Logan, The Door.  
  
Everyone: aaaww maaan....  
  
Kitty: Wait a minute...  
  
Prof:Unless you want to be grounded for a month.  
  
Kitty:DAMN!  
  
Prof: Okay, Here it goes. Way back when I was just a itty bitty boy. Living in a box under the stairs of the basment of the house half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop. You know the place.  
  
Kurt: No we don't.  
  
Prof: Pretend you do.Well anything life was going swell and everything was juuuussst PEACHY! Except for the fact that every single morning my mother would make me a big   
  
bowl of Sourkraut for breakfest.(mind you this was before I had to get my wheelchair.) Well I asked my mom "What's up with all the sourkraut?". And my dear sweet mother just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train. And she said "IT'S GOOD FOR YOU!" Then she tied me to the wall and force fed me sourkraut till I was 16 and a half years old. Well I dreamed I would move to a place where the sun is always shinining and the air smelled like warm root beer...Or maybe it was coka cola? No I think it was root beer. No no it was Coke...  
  
Scott:Just make up your mind!  
  
Prof: okay okay. Let's say it was coke. Well the very next day my dream came true. A local radio station was having a contest to guess how many molocuels made up lenord Nemoys butt. Now I found out about my mutant power around then and read the announcers mind. Now my powers were just developing so I was off by 3. But I still won the grand prize! A first class, 1-Way ticket to Alburquerque!  
  
Jean and Kitty together:Albuquerque?  
  
Prof:Yes Albuquerque.  
  
Rogue: This is so stupid.  
  
Prof:(pointing to Rogue) Your Grounded for a week!  
  
Rogue:Why!?!?  
  
Prof: Because I can.  
  
Rogue:****  
  
Prof. Two weeks!  
  
That's all for now! Send me reveiws please! 


	2. Snorkel Stealer!

Disclaimer:I OWN NOTHING!  
  
Prof:Okay where was I? Oh Yeah! Well I've never been on a real airplane before. And I gotta tell ya it was really great. Except I had to sit between two large Albanian Woman with excruciating Severe body odor. And the little kid in back of me kept throwing up. And I met Magneto. To show me his powers he burned out three of airplane engines. And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside and the plane blew up in a giant fireball and everybody died! Except for us! Ya'know why?  
  
Because we had our tray table's up. And our seats back in the full of prime position!  
  
Kitty: Wait...Wait...Wait! How could you survive an explosion by having your tray table up!  
  
Prof:And My seat back in full of prime position!  
  
Kitty:Still. How?  
  
Prof:Your grounded for 5 days! Where was I? I crawled on my hands and feet for three whole days. Carrying along my big leather suitcase, and my gourment bag, and my fancy saxaphone , and my 12-pound bowling ball, and my lucky,lucky autographed snorkel !  
  
But finally I arrvived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday In!  
  
Well I checked into my room and turned up the AC and turned on the Television. And I'm just about to eat that chocolatemint on my pillow that I love so very much when there's a knock on the door. " Who is it?" I asked. No answer. So read his mind and just as I saw. It's a phyco man with a Flock of Seagulls Haircut and only one nostril! Oh man I hate it when I'm right.  
  
Evan:And I hat this story.  
  
Prof: Evan. 3 weeks!  
  
Evan:S***!  
  
Prof:2 months!  
  
Evan:****  
  
Prof:A Year!  
  
Okay. Where was I. Well He busts into my room and grabs my lucky snorkel and I say "Hey! You can't have that! That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!"  
  
And He's like "Tough. And I'm like "give it!". And he's like "Make me!" And I'm Like "Kay!" So I grab his leg and he grabs my kidney And I bite on his ear. And He scratches off my eyebrows and somewhere in the middle of it all, The phone falls off the hook. And ya know what it said 20 seconds later? I'll tell you what it said! It said " If you want to make a call, please hang up and try again. If you need help hang up and dial your operator!"  
  
Kurt: None of us wanted to know what it said.  
  
Prof:1 week.  
  
That's all for now! What do you think? 


	3. Mmmm Doughnuts

Disclamer:I own nothing. (I wish I did)  
  
Prof: To put a long story short. He got away with my snorkel...  
  
  
  
Rogue:This is a long story.  
  
Prof:3 Weeks!  
  
Scott: Why do you care about that snorkel?  
  
Prof: It was my Lucky,Lucky Autographed Glow-In-The Dark Snorkel! 1 month!  
  
Jean:Everyone's grounded but me!  
  
Prof: Okay. 1 Week! Now, Back to the story.  
  
Well I promised myself I would not rest. I would not sleep for a second, Till the one nostrilled man was brought to justice. But  
  
First I decided to get some doughnuts! So I get in my car and I drive to the doughnut shop. And I got up to the guy behind the counter and he says "Yeeeaaaahhhh. WHAT DO YOU WANT!?!?"  
  
I say. "You got any glazed doughnuts?" he says "NO! We're out of glazed doughnuts!". So I say "Got any Jelly doughnuts?" He says "NO! We're out of jelly..."  
  
Kitty: Just get to the point!  
  
Prof. Okay okay. Well I say "Got any Bear Claws?" and he says...  
  
Everyone:We Know, We Know. "NO! WE'RE OUT OF BEARCLAWS!"  
  
Prof: Actually he said "Let me check". But they were sold out anyway. So I say "In that case. In that case what do you have?"  
  
And he says "All I have right now is this box of one dozen crazed starved weasels". And I say "I'll take that."  
  
So he hands me the box and I open the lid and The weasels immediettly latch onto my face! And the bite off my hair! That's how I went Bald!  
  
Well I run out onto the street with these flesh eating weasels on my face! And I'  
  
m running around like a constipated weiner dog! And was just about then I met the girl of my dreams. Her name was Zelda. She was a publicity inthusiast with a slight over bight and hair the color of strained peaches. I still remember the first thing she was going to say to me! It was "Hey, You got weasels on your face."  
  
Evan:That's idiotic!  
  
Kurt: You made it up!  
  
Prof: 5 more days for both of you! 


	4. Life with Zelda

Prof:Where was I? Oh Yeah! That's when I knew it was true love. We were inseperable after that. We ate together, we bathed together, we even shared the same peice of mint flavored dental floss! The world was our burito. So we got married...  
  
Rogue:You mean you bathed together before you got married?  
  
Prof:Uh-huh.Well we bought us a house and had to beutiful children. Nethaniel and The Supahfly! We called him Supahfly because his mutant power was flying. He got hit by an airplane!  
  
Kurt:This story is starting to scare me.  
  
Prof:Good! Well one fateful night. Zelda said. She asked me. "Sweetie Pumpkin. Do you you want to join the Columbia Record club?  
  
Well I said. Woah! Hold on there baby! I'm just not ready for that kind of commitment! So we broke up and I never saw her again. But that's just the way things go, In Albuquerque!  
  
Scott:Do you know what the Columbia Record Club is?  
  
Prof:Nope! well a week later things started looking up for me. I finally fufilled my first Life-Long dream! That's right. I got me a part-time job at the scizzlor!  
  
And I became Employee of the month after I put out that grease fire with my face! Oh yeah everyone was jealous of me after that. Like one time I was in the parking lot  
  
trying to remove my extra earwax with a golf-pencil when I see this guy Marty trying to lug this big ole sofa up the stairs. So I say "You want me to help you with that?".  
  
And Marty. He just rolls his eyes and says "Nooooooo. I want you too cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw." So I did. Then he gets all indignet on me. He like "Hey man! I was just being sarcastic!" Then he starts using he his head to beat up my legs. Why do you think I'm In This Wheelchair?  
  
Evan:Uh? Polio?  
  
Prof: 5 more weeks! Okay. He was being sarcastic. Well that's just great! I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud!  
  
Jean:Actually you are.  
  
Prof:2 YEARS! Well now he's got a really cute Nickname. "TORSO BOY!" So what's he complaining about?  
  
Kurt:Uuuuh. That you cut off his arms & legs.  
  
Prof:4 weeks!  
  
That's all for now! 


	5. It's not true?

Sorry for the wait. My computer wasn't letting me get to the site.  
  
Prof: Torso Boy. That allways cracks me up. Say. That reminds me of another amusing antidote. This guy walks up to me on the street and says he hasn't had a bite in 3-Days. Well I knew what he ment but just to be funny I took a big bite out of his Jugular vein! And he's running and screaming and bleeding all over. And i'm like "Hey. com'n don't you get it?" But he just kept on rolling around on the sidewalk bleeding and screaming!...  
  
Kitty: You did what?  
  
Prof: Took a bite out of his jugular vein. Weren't you listening?  
  
Kitty: Unfortuently yes.  
  
Prof:1 MONTH! Okay well he just didn't get it. Uh. Where was I? Kinda lost my train of thought. Anyways, I know it's kind of a round-about way of say it but the whole point I'm Trying to make here is... I ... HATE ... SOURKRAUT! That's all I'm really trying to say.  
  
Scott:You mean that you made us sit here listening to this crap against our will for the past hour just to know you hate sourkraut?  
  
Prof: Yup. 5 Weeks.  
  
Scott:S***  
  
Prof: 7.  
  
Kurt:Wait a minute! Just two days ago I hered you talking to Beast about how your favorite food is Sourkraut!  
  
Prof: Okay. The whole story is from a song I hered.  
  
Everyone: So we're not grounded?  
  
Prof: Oh. Your all still grounded.Starting now.  
  
Everyone:Aaaawww Man.  
  
The End.  
  
Whaddya think? No Flaming please. R & R. 


End file.
